Is it Real to Have a Black Relationship with No Sex?
When does a friendship cross the line and become a relationship? Isn’t sex the only thing that defines a black relationship, rather than just being best buddies?
The truth is not as clear cut as you might think. For some, sex is an absolutely integral part of a relationship, while others are either ambiguous on the matter, or prefer to wait. So can you be in a complete relationship without sex?
Is Sex a Necessary Part of a Relationship?
Although sex is a very important part of the relationship for many black couples, it’s not the only thing that defines a relationship. It’s possible to enjoy a romantic attachment to someone, even if there’s no sexual activity.
There are lots of reasons why sex might take a back seat. This could be permanent or just temporary, depending on the circumstances. There’s no “right” reason to refrain; it’s about what each person feels is right for them.
Some of the reasons for not having sex might include:
- wanting to be a virgin until married;
- having a low sex drive, also known as low libido;
- dealing with chronic pain or illness;
- religious reasons, such as taking a vow of abstinence.
A lack of sex doesn’t mean a lack of emotions, and for some, it’s a perfectly valid way to have a relationship.
Is Sex Important in a Relationship?
You don’t NEED to have sex to be in a relationship; your feelings for the other person are what establishes the commitment. However, for many people, it’s a natural, enjoyable, and important part of their relationship.
As well as providing sexual satisfaction and enjoyment, sex can add an extra dimension to a relationship. Black people often describe feeling more bonded with their partner when they’re regularly physical and more secure in feeling loved. Knowing what your partner desires, you can also heighten your self-confidence.
The benefits that sex brings are objective too. Studies have shown that frequent sex can heighten wellbeing. This includes physical benefits as well as emotional, such as improving cognitive function, easing headaches and pain, and boosting the immune system.
Sex doesn’t just have to be between two people. If your libido is out of sync with your partner’s, or you just want to increase the overall level of sexual activity, you might want to consider having an open arrangement. (When you can both seek fun with a third person while retaining your commitment to each other.) This is a solution that isn’t for everyone, but for others, it’s the perfect set-up.
Is it Possible to Have a Good Relationship Without Sex?
The answer to this depends on your personal desires and sexual appetite. For some individuals, a complete lack of sex and sexual intimacy would be the death knell for a relationship. And this is a perfectly acceptable response; every person has to do what’s right for them.
But equally, some couples are able to sustain a loving and close relationship, even if they’re not having sex. The key is that both people are happy with the status quo; if one person is unhappy about the lack of activity, ultimately, there will be problems.
The best type of black relationship is focussed on mutual love, respect, and understanding. If you’re in the position of not wanting sex and your partner does, or vice versa, having an honest and open dialogue is essential to see if you can reach a conclusion you’re both happy with.
Of course, there are times where physical intimacy may be off the agenda temporarily. For example, if the woman has just given birth, vaginal penetration isn’t going to be possible for a while until she heals. Any good relationship can easily survive periods of temporary celibacy, providing there’s a guarantee of resumption in the future.
Relationships where a lack of sex is more permanent may be difficult for some, but that’s not necessarily the case. There are many couples who don’t experience sexual desire yet still consider themselves to have an excellent relationship.
If you’re not having intercourse, you might want to explore other ways to stay connected and secure. This might involve massages, holding hands, non-sexual cuddling, and kissing. All of these can also be part of a sexual relationship, but they’re also an effective way to create intimacy on their own.
Like anything else, the key is about good communication with your partner – and never try to force someone to do something they don’t want to do.
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